Where Did the Creativity Go?

Years ago when I started this blog, I thought I would be creative and launch a new type of trend.  You know, the Pinterest kind of trends.  I would document all of my wonderful baking adventures, show people how to make little things, and find ways to incorporate creativity from every angle.  A few years have gone by and I now know, I'm only capable of CREATIVITY when someone else is talking and encouraging me while helping me place post-its on whiteboards and nudging me to string thoughts together.  I'm good when someone wants to turn my light bulb on.

Oh how I miss creating Work Breakdown Structures for any small or large project.  I miss the creative process.  I'm convinced the planning of a project is my creative drug of choice.  I rarely enjoy the end product of any project, I enjoy the planning and the thinking and the collaboration with others that have light bulbs burning brightly with electricity hovering above their own neurons.

The equated barrier: Frequency is key here and my filament is falling flat.

I have created a laundry list of ideas to spark my bulb and yet each item is missing one major component.  One simple and magical piece - WANT.

I've stopped wanting to do creative things because I can not control the environment and circumstances in which I am under. So in my own virtual space, I am pushing creativity into motion in hopes I can spark my decrepit filament into a spark.  I want to enjoy my creativity again.

Here is my first recipe to share:

Creative Juice

• one part substance
• one part idea
• one part passion
• two parts company

Mix all ingredients until well blended, breathe, incorporate a whiteboard, lime green marker, stir and repeat.

YOU CAN THEN EMBRACE A CREATIVE MOMENT

Addictive Coincidence

Coincidence or not?  A subject up for debate.  I take the position that only a few things in life are coincidence.  Leave it to those quantum physics guys to one day figure out that the "God particle" will lead to proving time manipulation could possibly be real.  Granted I have NO background on the subject matter, I do recognize in prime moments when a massive collision of "there is no way in hell this could be a coincidence" is staring at me in the face.  I would even go as far as to say that we in some way manifest situations (perhaps even pre-plan them?). 

Real story:

One night over 15 years ago I was driving home from a job that sucked the life out of me.  It was dark and hot and I had my window cracked just so I could feel something more than disdain.  That was a major funk of a night.  Highly disappointed in life and where I was and with no direction.  I started daydreaming of what would want to do, the type of people I wanted to work with and played out a full conversation in my head (yes, I never said I was normal).  Now jump ahead 10 years........ I found myself sitting around an long oval desk in a conference room discussing random research questions, reports and laughing.  An epiphany of a moment!  I immediately went back to the dismal night in my car and the made up conversation I played out in my mind.  I WAS LIVING IT!  Never told anyone about that until this week.  Actually I don't think I thought about the magnitude of it until I began discussing if coincidence is truly just coincidence or if it could be something more.  I know what I believe and find the one-on-one discussion with someone to be fulfilling enough to believe those conversations are NOT coincidence. 

Lucky me...... those conversations can be so unbelievably addictive that I begin to omit the word moderation from my vocabulary.  Those precarious words: moderation and balance, they feel so limiting and imposed by others.  Why not say......... indulge and find your own personal balance so you can feel like YOU?  Indulge in conversations about coincidence while internally begging for additional subjects to ponder.  Tonight I will situationally imagine another situation and see if "coincidence" steps in and shines on me.

Schwinn Me Some Creativity

Sooooo, you've asked that I write, the few of you out there that read my mindlessness.  I say..... I can't think of anything.  What happen to the funny me?  The cynical match making of crude jargon that means nothing has left my brain.  I say....... I want it back. 

I no longer have light bulb moments when it comes to life.  I've quit watching and started focusing on the more obscure.  I've started watching 12 feet above the ground when I am out of the cement blocks that usually cover my shadow.  When is the last time you looked above all that was flying around, 1 to 10 feet off the ground?  You see life differently.  Things move slower (except for birds, planes and an occasional hummingbird and bee).  There is little content to work with when you are viewing life like a child looking at the stars.  Soooooooooo, if I am out of witty and remarkable mis-grammer laden content what do you propose I write about?

I've really got nothing..............

Two of my most popular posts have been about Target.  Let me see if I can salvage a story from my recent trip....................  Yes, maybe a little story.

I've been contemplating getting a beach cruiser.  Because in my young age of 37 I am attempting to grasp at the strings of my fleeting youth.  As a child I had a few beach cruisers.  My parents would indulge me and take me to the beach and let me ride, ride, ride.  Good Memories!!!

I just happen to be at my favorite french store............... Targetttttt (say it with a french accent).  I saw a cherry red Schwinn with a darling little old lady basket.  Yep, I think I was channeling a inner SER (code).  I was alone with the bikes, so I thought what the hell, why not drag one down and just sit on it.  See how it feels.  Not looking down at the seat, I hopped right on.  The seat had been adjusted in an odd manner............. the front of the seat was facing about 3 inches towards the sky.  I can say................ if I had been a young girl.............. I would no longer be holding on to a prized possession.  OUCH!!!!!  It is as if Target's Lost Prevention are members of the ThoughtPolice and they know exactly where I am headed and how to play sick jokes at my expense. (If you are wondering what other craziness I have endured in the giant red store you will need to read 2 blogs I wrote about, tennis racket and Idaho potatoes).  I am 0-3!!  When is it my turn to win?  That store kicks my emotional ass all the time.  The freaky part is that I keep going back...............

Well my two that wish me to write.............. I am going to try again and again.  Time to hop back in the saddle and see if I can find that elusive creativity.  Someone recently explained their concept of creativity to me and it made me long to find mine again.  Sooooo, I am on the search.......... I will try to dig deep.  Try to breathe creativity again.............. and hope it will feed my soul.

A Lesson Learned in Giving

I know I walk through life with my brain bouncing like a bucket full of Jack in the Bean Stalk magic beans.  Learning to control my thought process has been a magic bean topic that's been jumping the quickest in my bucket full of thoughts.  Each magic bean has developed an ever pertinent meaning and is increasingly becoming heavier and important.  Hence............ my head is heavy. 
Lets pick on two magic beans.  The blue magic bean of selflessness and the green magic bean of selfishness.  The ying and yang in my brain.  I've taken a lesson from the book of Technical and tried to implement a selfless nature intentionally on Thursday for it to blow up in my face.  Can't tell if the blatant failure was due to my virginal status in a selfless attempt or if the universe shook in my wake and set me straight back to reality.  Reality then clamored to grasp the indulgent selfish need of normalcy.  What does that mean?  Selfish equals Normal.
So what did I learn? I learned that the magic beans in my head are getting heavier and the only way to silence their ping pong slaps to my frontal lobe is to sometimes slip back into a normal state of selfishness or hiding.  The internal state of living Numb (thank you Amie, I will never forget that we developed our own personal state of "living").  See.... when the magic beans slow down you can almost obtain that personal numb state.  You begin to forget how heavy the other thoughts are and you are just selfish enough to concentrate on just one thought.
Now, to watch a Technical lesson in giving and to learn all that is needed to remain fulfilled and happy.  If I could only add another one of those jumping magic beans into my full bucket because I need to really learn  a fulfilling lesson in giving. Actually what I really need is a special orange magic bean that will allow me to dream.  Dream big, give big and live big without restraint.  And Courage!!!!

Halloturkmas Returns and I'm Changing the Rules

Halloturkmas Returns!  Lets combine the crazy season of Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas into one big holiday.  Hell the stores do it, why can't we?  Might as well poor candy corn into our gravy while we wash it down with come spiked eggnog and toast to the things we care about. 

Where in the hell did this year go?  The last thing I remember I was passed out in the back of Amie's car on the way back from Las Vegas and then a flash of a media class went by and here I am.  I'm sitting here looking around and shell shocked at the amount of life that still needs living.  Hence, enter a Halloween party which is within grasp.  Thank the heavens for cheap costumes, cleavage and a slight mid-life crisis in the making.  And let me praise a friend for indulging my need for a little girl time!!!  I need my Amie and Jackie fix, I need to find that 16 year old girl riding in the back of a maroon Honda Civic listening to some serious Blue Monday DM.  Crack-a-Lackin' Stupid Fun is what the Dr. ordered. 

So, enter a black angel, a referee and a gangster Robinhood this coming Halloween night.  Sounds like an acid trip in the suburbs.  Does this mean the black angel and Robinhood are going to go head-to-head?  Good vs. Bad while a statuesque referee mitigates the slew of wild ways on the pending night?  I'll bribe you Jackie, good always wins.  It is Halloween for goodness sakes, let me dress up as a good person at least once in my life.

Are you lost yet?  Good, that was my intent.  If you can't follow then you need additional education in the workings of a not so normal and creative wild child.  It's truly the only therapy I have left.  Humor me and let me ENJOY!

Halloween! Thanksgiving and then Christmas!! Damn Halloturkmas!!

Game of Thrones

It is not often that I find myself interested and intently focused.  George R.R. Martin's book series A Song of Ice and Fire has captured my heart in whole.  I just finished the first book in the series, Game of Thrones, I find myself interested in the author and his detail to human character.  You know that old question if you could have any five people, dead or alive, over for dinner who would they be?  My list would now include George R.R. Martin and I would want to know how he develops his storyline, characters, food descriptions, complex yarn like twists and turns and how he knows human nature so well.

One book in and I will attempt to guess what is in store.  I believe Jon Snow is half Targaryen and the complete series will end with Jon and Danenerys Targaryen ruling together.  Hence....A Song of Ice and Fire.....Jon is Ice and Danenerys is Fire.  Though Tyrion Lannister and Arya Stark are some of my  favorite characters I find the building strength in Jon and Danenerys would be wasted if they were killed.  Several more books to read and I am excited and look forward to a world different then mine. 

Thank you George R.R. Martin for your wit and sharing it with the world.

My Alien Nation

Don't you just love it when you have a moment of clarity and you look around and realize you are living in a freaky alien nation?  ME TOO!  Come on now, a 100 lb tortoise was in my yard last night, just sitting there eating my orange gerber daisies and earlier I was at work today and walked into the conference room with my co-workers and found a list of future items to be completed with only my name written next to every listed item (no one else's name, just MINE).  My 12 co-workers stood paralyzed and then in an alien mob mentality veered my way as if I had intentionally used my ESP senses to corrupt the man we report to and manipulate his hand to write on the whiteboard.  Little did they know my stomach turned upside down seeing the long list as I FREAKED out.  If my alien mob co-workers really think I have this ESP thing down maybe I should try creating additional time in a day.  That would really freak people out but it would be O so FUN!
Back to the tortoise, the thing was HUGE and it looked at me with it's little eye and the only thing I could imagine was that he was on the run from this dreary city.  He was on the lamb, gearing up for the long haul and I was the only thing stopping him.  Little did he know I was contemplating ridding on his back and looking forward to the extremely light breeze he would produce.
Snap back to reality Jill, you have a 100 lb ancient entity sitting in front of you and it needs to go back to where it came from.  Luckily the audience of neighbors went on a hunt for the mysterious owners and reconvened with a suped up black truck that required two men to lift the tortoise into the back of the bed.  I swear that ancient monster winked at me as he was lifted high and dry and used his ESP senses to tell me to meet him out front next week on Tuesday so we can feel the slight breeze in our face and slowly move forward and out of the city while I sit on his back with my good book while begging the sun Gods for a coffee shade of tan.

I love Alien Nation Days, makes me realize I'm taking life a little too seriously.