A Lesson Learned in Giving

I know I walk through life with my brain bouncing like a bucket full of Jack in the Bean Stalk magic beans.  Learning to control my thought process has been a magic bean topic that's been jumping the quickest in my bucket full of thoughts.  Each magic bean has developed an ever pertinent meaning and is increasingly becoming heavier and important.  Hence............ my head is heavy. 
Lets pick on two magic beans.  The blue magic bean of selflessness and the green magic bean of selfishness.  The ying and yang in my brain.  I've taken a lesson from the book of Technical and tried to implement a selfless nature intentionally on Thursday for it to blow up in my face.  Can't tell if the blatant failure was due to my virginal status in a selfless attempt or if the universe shook in my wake and set me straight back to reality.  Reality then clamored to grasp the indulgent selfish need of normalcy.  What does that mean?  Selfish equals Normal.
So what did I learn? I learned that the magic beans in my head are getting heavier and the only way to silence their ping pong slaps to my frontal lobe is to sometimes slip back into a normal state of selfishness or hiding.  The internal state of living Numb (thank you Amie, I will never forget that we developed our own personal state of "living").  See.... when the magic beans slow down you can almost obtain that personal numb state.  You begin to forget how heavy the other thoughts are and you are just selfish enough to concentrate on just one thought.
Now, to watch a Technical lesson in giving and to learn all that is needed to remain fulfilled and happy.  If I could only add another one of those jumping magic beans into my full bucket because I need to really learn  a fulfilling lesson in giving. Actually what I really need is a special orange magic bean that will allow me to dream.  Dream big, give big and live big without restraint.  And Courage!!!!