Maybe Orange is the Color of the Season!

I wish I had a funny story to write about or something silly to share but on this cold and rainy Sunday morning I stare out a window watching the cloud's teardrops fall onto orange flowers. Each drop that falls is almost in sync with the pounding of my headache. A headache I am sure caused by the continual thinking of a red and white season. Give me one week and I will provide you with a happy person, a person not wound up and ready to unspin at anyone willing to pull at the string. My Scroogeness is being worn on both sleeves now. But, in the attempt to be 'merry', Stephanie and I mushed and mashed a bunch of ingredients yesterday and then I cut and baked spices into holiday shapes. Yes, gingerbread men, women and shapes were born right here in this quaint gray abode and then I smothered their little beings and created personalities, with ties, tennis shoes, snow hats and gloves. Lucky them, they get a new wardrobe before finding themselves entering into a cave of doom.

Today (when I muster up the energy) I will haul out the 'paper of festive', tape, scissors and enough will to wrap the few gifts I have been out to purchase. Once I have accomplished this task hopefully I will be able to pull myself into the car and fare the other soaking crabby wet people as we strong arm each other for those last minute gifts. There goes my head pounding again.......OUCH.

Maybe there is hope, I just looked out and saw a little hummingbird flying in the rain while sticking it's needle into the orange flowers. Perhaps perseverance is key. That is the lesson learned today..........................and a good headache med is calling.

A Beacon of Hope

That time of year is here folks, it is time to put on your Santa hats and roam the stores searching for that deal of a life time. It is the season to drink hot chocolate (COFFEE IN MY CASE), cozy up under a warm blanket, turn off the lights and let the Christmas tree shine as a beacon of hope.

Decorating

I gathered enough energy yesterday to pull down a few boxes of decorations and several hours later we only had the tree decorated (my little elf and the tree above). There are plastic bins all over the house begging to be emptied and their contents distributed into little vignettes. I am electing this year to simplify the Christmas Cheer in our house. I am tired of looking at the same old Christmas mouse with her little red Santa hat sweetly laid perfectly on her head. I want new, exciting (and less work) decorating to go on this year. So, I am going to skip the traditional topper on the Christmas tree and do something new. Pictures to follow if it turns out positive!!!

Baking

Last year I baked up a storm and I can't decide if I want to do the same this year (see right for last years sweets). I made a list and there are about 10 people or families I would hand yummy treats to so I suspect that I will be in the kitchen at least one whole day this December. Question is, what do I make? Again I don't want to do the same stuff so I am going to do a little research and compile a new list of sugar confections. Hopefully the new stuff will taste good! Perhaps I better throw in some traditional stuff that I know I can make (just in case).

Today

I have plastic boxes calling my name and a hearty dinner to be cooked and a blanket wrapped around me keeping me hostage. Liberation is in order if I want to turn this house into a modern day Winter Wonder Land.................... I am off to find my little elf!

It's a Turkey Week and YES......I am the Turkey!

It's 5:05 pm on a Monday night and I just poured myself a cup of coffee. A steaming cup of brown goodness that I suspect will keep me up into the late hours of the night. Yes, this makes me a turkey because I know better, I should not drink one ounce of caffeine after 2:00 pm. But, it is cold outside and I am not a lover of the hot chocolate powdered mix junk so I sacrificed sleep for a 5 minute pleasure. This is me being a coffee drinking turkey...........

Do turkeys walk around aimlessly in the wild in complete boredom? I too find myself with little to do. I've finally have come to the conclusion that I need to have a fast paced life style and my brain must always be on or I start thinking BAD thoughts. This is me walking around being a bored turkey............

Laid out and sprawled out with a heap of stuffed bread, looking all plump and over processed on a Thanksgiving Day table. I hate to admit, I am relating more and more to turkeys. This past weekend I was sprawled out on the couch watching a little television and I was also stuffed with a yummy croissant. STUFFED WITH BREAD! This is me..........an exact replica of a Thanksgiving Day Turkey....................

 

 

HalloTurkMas Stew!

It's that time of year to haul out your pumpkins, fake fall leaves and prep the excitement of pine in the air. We are already mid Halloturkmas season and I am a wonder how everyone is feeling about it this year.

I personally am not overly excited about the holidays this year, as a matter of fact they could go by and I really would not care. Gave way to the years of hopping into the car and driving into the desert to spend a windy Thanksgiving with family I hardly even knew. These were the best Thanksgivings EVER! Sand in your turkey, butt nakedness at the local hot water springs, meeting strangers that told you that you reminded them of some woman you've never met and the sleepy ride home watching the sun set over the red mountains gave me hope that the world was a scene out of a Norman Rockwell painting. Phewy! Years go by, family moves away, people pass away, divorces happen and soon you are left to make your own memories with a deck of cards and 5 people that really don't care about a season that does nothing but remind them that life has taken a path in the opposite direction of what was anticipated. Put on that smile and inhale the turkey sent while we all scream Uno!

Halloween turned out better than expected, I do have to admit that. Walking streets with a family known through my daughters school made me realize there are people in the world that still want to put on costumes, run after children with a de-chained chainsaw and make us adults pee our pants (yes, I almost had the dreaded stain of yellow pee down my jeans that fateful night). I have never seen a neighborhood so dedicated to fright. There were no Hallufests, no trunk trick o treating at the church parking lots and I clung to the last adrenaline memory of my childhood this night. At least my daughter experienced what I like to call Halloween Wildness for one night. Thank you scary man that jumped out and scared my friend Jackie who was dressed as a voodoo lady, her ju-ju magic kept us safe this evening!

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas..................what can I say. This year just does not feel the same. I want nothing more than to re-live the Christmas spirit from when I was young. Yet, I know this can never be. Hopefully as the season goes on my Halloturkmas funk will turn into a fun filled moment of hope. I am anti Christmas music, lights, decorations and cinnamon at the moment. Hopping on a plane and flying to an island on December 23rd is sounding really good at the moment.

Watch but Don't Judge

Do you ever sit in a moment and wonder why you are participating in that exact moment? This week I have been overly conscience of every moment, ever ticking second and every flurry of action others exert around me. I can't help but to let my mind wonder during meetings or watch people from across a table and analyze every little movement their muscles so slightly control. Little twitches, eye rolls, deep breathes, frowns, smiles, shift in weight, ticks and eye movements have somehow become my new personal reading material. So much so, I have become overly aware of my own body telling stories I don't want others to know. Yes I am overly expressive and yes most of the time I wear how I feel on my sleeve, but I usually put it out there because I fear others are doing the same to me. Why not put all of you out there? Why do so many people hide? I find it more intriguing at the things people are hiding and yes that might mean I am a little more sick and twisted than I want to admit. But it is true! True, true, true............how many things can you say are true in life? The little eye roll you do when someone says something you completely disagree with? The heavy breathes you exhale when you are biting your tongue? The smile you conceal because you don't want that person to know how you really feel? The shift in your weight when you suspect people are far removed from the current conversation and you know they are not invested? Well, I suggest you take a moment and look around the room. Body language speaks volumes and the more you learn someones nuances and talk with them the sooner you decipher the folded hands in lap, the leaning back in a chair and the gaze out a window is an elected pondering moment and not the suspected uninterest in conversation.

This comes with a WARNING, if you elect to participate in the "eyefull watch" be aware you may learn more then you care to, you may find out truths or even conjure up lies. Know today someone may tell one story and tomorrow the plot may change and you must always be willing to leave judgement at the door. Elect to watch out of curiosity and you will learn more about people, humanity and become more intuitive than you could ever expect to become. Carry on my friends and watch the world.................

Off the Beaten Track, Just Like Columbus!

Hot Damn, it's Columbus Day and that means.............NO WORK! Out of all the holidays throughout the year, Columbus Day has to be one of my favorites. You ask why, well, kid and hubbie have school and work and I have the house to myself and my own schedule to manage. What to do, what to do? I could go bear hunting, I could sleep all day, I could read Mad Magazine but I initially choose to wake up, get my daughter off to school and putz around the house until my fingers turned an awful shade of blue.

Vote: How many of you think I did any of that? I at least got my daughter off to school.

True are the days where nothing you plan happens and you roll with the minutes. My mom and I trekked off to Ti Pan Trading Co. Have you been there? Let me tell you something, that place is a man's nightmare. Everything to decorate your house is in that place. WARNING: If you take your husband, boyfriend, or whomever into this store, make sure you are ready to cook a really good dinner or are willing to give him some "dessert" because his eyes will glaze over after seeing the ample amounts of glitter, flowers, bows and wreaths. If you are not married and end up going into this store, PLEASE CALL ME, I want to tag along!

After my lovely decorating trek I briefly volunteered in my daughters class. Boy was that an eye opener. 3rd graders at the end of the day already need a bath. I love them, I love them a lot and I have to envy their energy to generate that much sweat. It made me wonder if I ever came home covered in sweat, number 2 pencil smudged all the way to my elbows, and blacktop goo under my eyes closely resembling a line backer ready to take on the opposing team. Holy cow, those little munchkins could have whipped the Colts butts while assigning character leads in their recently choreographed blacktop play "Monster High does Clare Cherry" (Need to know what Monster High and Clare Cherry School are? Goggle it). These kids were perfect in every way! Listening to them and hearing their little minds work a mile a minute gave me hope, even if they are having issues spelling. Their creativity, dedication, and nature were truly inspiring.

Now, we are going to try making homemade ice cream tonight for the first time and that idea was not on the Columbus Day agenda. Like Columbus, I got a little off track but the rewards have been great.

Word of the Day - AGRO

Aggravated - Definition: to make worse or more severe; intensify, as anything evil, disorderly, or troublesome.

In short, I like to say I am AGRO when I am aggravated by life. Today I would like to share the climax of my AGRO day, yesterday.

I spent the majority of my day at work listening to soul draining music while worming my hands across a keyboard to produce a multitude of "somethings". By the time the clock hit 4:00 pm and the dust clouds settled from my footsteps I was rolling down depressing dreary streets so I could get to the promise land, HOME. Yes home, my sanctuary, my cloud of hope and apparently the home of a newly created crabby patty, MY HUSBAND. Apparently the dogs and their hole digging are driving my husband to turn into a mini plankton, hence, on this particular day, I've become even more AGRO due to my husband's aggravation.

I have a thought; I will flee to the only other place that can keep me calm, Target. Yes, let me stroll the white laminate floors while floating behind a basket of red while eye checking the tremendous amount of non-necessities that will hopefully not end up in my basket. Yes, I will go to Target. Apparently my mini me (daughter) and crabby patty (husband) will also be going along. By now I am trying to keep my AGRO in check, but I am failing and you can see my family's endless want to shove me in the red basket, place blinders on my head and make a speedy departure to the checkout lanes.

Luckily my sweet daughter asks to look at toys and of course I concede to her request. As my two target companions methodically look at every Mattel toy available I wander into the sporting goods section. In hindsight, this was a BAD idea. I am not an athletic person but years ago I did play a good amount of tennis and have recently contemplated picking up a racket again. Perhaps I should have waited one more day. A shiny blue over sized racket was calling me, "pick me up, pick me up". I should have known better. I grabbed the racket by the handle and hit the strings against the palm of my other hand. Hit one, hit two, hit three, hit four and then a flurry of blue came flying towards my head. I had hit the racket with such force that it ricocheted off my palm and hit me square between the eyes and forehead.

I stood in the middle of the sporting good aisle dumbfounded and in pain. WHAT IN THE HELL JUST HAPPEN? Really? Did I just smack myself in the head with a tennis racket, did an evil blue tennis racket attack my AGRO self? YES IT DID. I stood there imagining security watching me on the cameras and having a good laugh at my expense. Perhaps I will end up on YouTube within days. I hung up the racket and sulked back to the toy aisle where my husband immediately said, "what in the hell happen to you"? I had a large red line forming down my forehead and a bruised ego in tow.

Please get me out of here was the only thing I could think of. Please get me home. Please let me sulk into the couch so I can wait for tomorrow. Here I am, almost 24 hours later laughing at myself. Let us hope the rest of this day is better. I might think twice about picking up a racket again. Think about the damage I could do if I were actually on a court.

The Day I Decided to Fail

It has been awhile since I've blogged. School has been taking up the majority of my time this semester. I thought I could handle two classes but it seems that I have failed. Moments ago I just withdrew from one of my classes which sets back my goal of acquiring a degree. I've had to do some serious soul searching lately trying to decide it going forward with school is even worth the time. Most people tell me "don't give up" or "keep going" when all I want to say in return is "why". Do I go forth so I can promote at my job? It will take another 8 years to get to that place and within those 8 years and the time I dedicate to school, I spend less time with my daughter, weaken my home environment and struggle with my own competence. The only reason I have not quit completely is because there is about 2% of me that thinks I can do it. It will not take much to obliterate that 2%. I hear of superwomen at work that go to school full time, have 3 kids and work till their bones are numb. I hate to admit that I compare myself to them and ask myself daily, how come I can't do it. Disappointment in myself is the highest it has ever been and I can't help but feel that I have failed again. I'm angry with myself. How come I am failing and they are not? I've let myself down again.................

Turn of Events

Life has taken me down a new path that I like to call No Free Time Lane. Both work and school are keeping me busy and my mental state is filled to the brim. This week in particular has pursued time with strange energy. Every time I turn around some odd ball event or action is toying with my surroundings. I have benefited by being on the outside of this energy ball watching in but it has been an odd path to be on, surrounded by an energy ball of restlessness. I'm actually trying to walk several steps ahead of it and I am afraid by the end of the week this ball of unrest will roll right over me and consume me. Thank the coffee angels for providing the needed caffeine to keep me a few feet in front of the rolling mass.

For those wondering, which I am sure there are few, school is kicking my butt. I can not memorize my own address so taking on a psychology course with key terms like myelin sheath and amygdala I am bound to fail. I think I need some ginkgo or I need to hang up my hat. I can barely remember what I wore yesterday.

WARNING

WARNING - Do not read if you are expecting humor because I will be embarking on the Working Mom's Wild Ride.

I could discuss this topic over and over and beat it with a used up, working mom, greasy frying pan that has not been washed but sitting in the sink for 3 days. Yes, I am ashamed to admit that I've had dishes sitting needing my attention. You ask why? Last week I laid in bliss with ample amounts of time to cook, making sure laundry smelled like spring and washing floors when needed (yes, I was Cinderella on VACA). This week I have time to drag my half closed eyes, purse, lunch bag and school bag to work and wobble on weak ankles in platform heels. Our culture has almost deemed in order to survive a middle class living you will send 2 adults from the home to work full time. Is this true or am I just stuck in the idea that both parents MUST work? I know many families that have one income coming in and I CANNOT figure out how they manage their survival (and I will be the last to officially ask). Our family does not live a lavish lifestyle, we don't go on vacations nor buy expensive cars. Our only expense in our daughters education which we elect to provide due to the failing public schools that surround us. I feel like our social structures are bound to POP because at this rate we can not sustain the requirements to achieve the good ol American dream. What is happening? Greed? Disillusionment? The sense of belittlement that has forced us to take 1/2 breathes because we no longer know how to breathe a full content breathe? I could go on and on but I must return to writing about prominent persons in the history of Psychology. I've elected to pick Dr. Seymour B. Sarason, Dr. Nathan Kline and Mary W. Calkins because Mary and I share one special date in common. Trivia for today.............what date do we share and why? If you know me this should be easy.

Flu

I had intended to start blogging about my daily diet turmoils in hopes I would stay on track but the unexpected invader of my body, the FLU, derailed my diet train of pain. I have a new best friend and I've spent to much time getting intimate with this porcelain beauty. I like to call her Bold Beautiful Bertha the Bowl. She has been a good friend the past 3 days but I'm ready to make her into an occasional pen pal and keep my friends that don't require deposits on my A list. My BFF BBB the B and I would hang out with a cocktail of water and baking soda while I placed my shivering head on her shoulder. Fortunately I seem to be on the mend.

Diet

I can thank Mr. Flu for kick starting my diet. Not eating for a few days while barely keeping a drip of water in my body made me feel 1.56 lbs lighter. Dang, I'm on a diet roll. Watch out. I'm still leery of slipping anything past these pale lips of mine in fear that my new porcelain BFF and I will have to reunite so I attempted to eat light today. Eating light would consist of mint tea, 5 bites of leftovers, 4 saltine crackers and 5 bites of chocolate gelato. At least I can say my portion sizes have dropped to an all time low but the nutritional content still blows. Guess I'll have to work on that nutritional part starting tomorrow.

Vacation: Day 9

Getting the flu on the final day of my vacation was not how I anticipated ending the week. But, the FLU found me and that my friends is the end of my vacation. Stay tuned, I will begin blogging about my attempt to loose weight and I am sure you will here rants regarding school.

To be continued

Vacation: Day 8

The realization that vacation is almost over slapped me across the face and weighted down my ankles. We did very little over this tiny one week slumber so today we decided to get into the car and find a destination. We ended up at The Huntington Library. This is a photographers dream location and I wish I had some extra time to sit and take several photos because I was enjoying myself so much. If you live in So Cal or will be visiting and you like Art and Gardens, the the Huntington Library is a must. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did. And for those of you wondering, YES, I did take the picture of the water lily.

Vacation: Day 7

I experienced complete PEACE for the first time in a VERY long time today. The sad part is it only lasted about 10 minutes. On this final vacation Friday Stephanie and I went to my mom's pool (see above) and were fortunate enough to have the whole pool to ourselves.

Tadpole Among Us
One major milestone this summer: STEPHANIE LEARNED TO SWIM (kind of). We have been working for years to get her lanky arms moving in that turquoise water and this summer she finally submitted. There is work to be done but I think we will be in a good place by the end of the summer. A pair of goggles and fingers pinching her noes and she is a archaeologist of H2O.

Peace of Wind
After getting to swim at leisure with my new little archaeologist tadpole I sat on the edge of the pool with my face pointed west and the sun and wind gracing my face. Life literally slowed down for a brief moment in time and I felt at one with everything around me. I haven't felt that symbiotic with my surroundings in such a long time that in my mind I was begging for the spiritual moment not to end. But all good things must come to an end and my peaceful state was soon interrupted (the how does not matter). I am extremely thankful that I once again experienced quiet, peace and of all things - THE SUN. For those of you that know me, you do know that I am super pale. The sun felt good with the wind slightly blowing. I just may have to do that a little more often.

My hat is off to the wind and sun, they persuaded me to shimmy into a bathing suite after 5 years and find 10 minutes of peace. Perhaps I will be able to find this moment again in another 5 years. See you then Mr. Sun and Mrs. Wind!

Vacation: Day 6

Christmas already? HECK YES! I painted Santa Ornaments like these over 17 years ago and family members and friends have been asking me to make some for them for many years. Problem! It is harder to find the necessary bark needed to make these one of kind jolly old men. Even though there are pine trees a plenty if I follow the 18 up to Pine Land I am not willing to strip a living tree of its natural warm sweater just to decorate a fake tree for one month. But I lucked out this week. There are huge Eucalyptus trees outside my daughters dance studio and there was TONS of bark on the ground. It was a bark free for all. I did learn one thing using a new type of bark, Eucalyptus bark curls when it gets wet. So now I have curly little chubby Santa personalities. I will make more as time goes on but for now I just finished the little guys above. I think I will proclaim this Christmas as a Folk Art Christmas!!!

Vacation: Day 5

Nothing to share regarding Vacation Day #5. Hung out at home and then took Steph to Ballet class. Restful day!

Picture is of my herb garden gone wild. I have more basil then I know what to do with. Guess I have to cook more.

Vacation: Day 4

I LEFT THE HOUSE TODAY!!! Yes, my highlight consisted of getting to walk through Wal-Mart and grocery shop. But, I did get a little creative today. I had an idea to make magnates based on the love of my friends and so I did a trial and error and made a few (please see photo). I just wanted to stay busy and not idol. Today I want to be witty regarding the freakishly interesting characters that hang out in Wal-Mart and joke about the skittish tendencies of my daughter and I regarding the wasps making their home above our front door but I'll just stick to the flying deamons today.

Star Wars and the Demon Wasps

It is comedy to watch Stephanie and I go out the back door and all the way around the house just to get to the car so we can avoid the dive bombing wasps that are infiltrating through the crack under our front door. Wal-Mart provided me with the killing wasp spray but believe me, I'm to lazy to go through the back door, find my way around the house and become the Darth Vader of Wasps. Funny thought: Star Wars Wasps - Luke Hornetwalker, Han Stinger Solo, Chewbacca Hairy Hornet and Princess Leia of the Lair and me as the blond Darth Vader shooting a death ray purchased at a freakish Wal-Mart which closely compares to the Mos Eisley Cantina . Maybe tomorrow I can find my way through the galaxy of the wasp and find refuge 15 feet way in my car.

This vacation is making me loose my senses.

Vacation: Day 3

I'M BORED, this vacation took a wrong turn somewhere between the 10th episode of NCIS and Saturday's lasagna. Sounds like the typical American vacation, food and television. The only way I've been keeping myself busy is by finding multiple reasons to cook, bake and eat. This is not a good way to occupy time nor fulfill my longing for dinner on a tropical island over looking sandy beaches. NOW THAT WOULD BE A VACATION. Compromise and reason, I need to understand this time off was not scheduled for fun but to merely deflect daycare costs. I have cookies in the oven, big, huge, chewy molasses cookies in the oven and another episode of NCIS is starting. I'm coming Gibbs, don't start without me.

I hope I can find something to do tomorrow.

Vacation: Day 2

Please Universe give me strength to get motivated. I've been sitting in front of the computer for about 3 hours doing various tasks. I swear I have grown Plastic Man fingers and they are connected to the keyboard. I am ADDICTED!!! First, I decided that I will make grocery shopping an adventure this week. The challenge, to come up with 14 different recipes while testing my budgeting skills. I took it over the top. WAY OVER THE TOP. I spent a whole 2 hours developing a menu and shopping list. I never knew that developing my own recipe for Shepard's Pie was going to keep me as occupied as 7 year old boys in mud. Browsing the Internet for recipes should be an Olympic sport. I could medal in gold cheese rounds. Second, I've decided to start crafting earlier than normal. We do have a little less than 6 months before Christmas so I thought this year I would make sets of vintage magnets and finally make more of my wooden Santa ornaments due to the overwhelming want by others. This vacation is the best time to start. So I spent another hour cruising for some vintage photographs to provide me with inspiration. If I can find my spunk and motivation then I will have pictures closer to the end of the week but don't hold your breath.

Lasagna last night and homemade chicken pot pie tonight................I win the gold cheese wheel of victory.

Vacation: Day 1

In hopes in making this vacation relevant I've decide to discuss the craziness of the week in the Smith family. Think of it as preserving moments that we (I) take for granted during the hustle and bustle of normality.

Day Numero Uno: Saturday

I hit the pillow last night excited that I had the opportunity to view the back of my eyelids later than usual the next morning. Time passes and the earth turns and with one eye open I see the searing glare of the alarm clock with a devilish hue of red laughing 5:30 at me. Really? I got up even earlier than I usually do on a work day. I laid there in bed thinking that maybe I was just excited to start my day completely owned by me. So off I went to start my morning, breakfast, the news, coffee, cleanliness and off to Stephanie's vocal lessons. Five hours into my Saturday and I had accomplished more luxury than I have allowed myself in the past month. Perfection.

Smells Good, What's in the Oven?

Yes, I even BAKED after Steph's class. Banana bread anyone? I am also 97% sure that I making lasagna for dinner. That is if I have the energy because at the moment, 1:36 pm, my pillow is beckoning for me to take a nap. NAP, what is a nap? Well, I for sure plan on finding out at soon as I leave this addictive keyboard.

I hear Wii Resort in the other room and cheering which means people are happy and that means I can sneak off and catch a couple of winks.

Possible lasagna pictures to follow.................... VACATION, it's just so simple.

The Final Count Down

Vacation! The count down begins. I officially begin vacation on Friday night at 4:01 pm. Swimming, sleeping in LATE, staying up LATE, and doing whatever my little one and I want to do. So I will watch the clock tick by hopefully quickly as I clean up my desk as much as I can and sprint home to spend an evening with a good friend, a chicken and 2 pairs of walking shoes.

Anyone have any ideas on what we can do during the next week?

A Roller Coaster Illusion

Perpetual bliss is left for those that are not living in some sense of turmoil, heartache or climb. Perhaps you find pure happiness within the journey. Yes the journey, rich and full of what we like to describe as the roller coaster of life. Up and down, up and down as we watch the person in front of , to the side and behind us reach their hands into the sky while screaming in thrill or perhaps placing their hands over their mouths trying to deflect the force fed day old corn dog. YUMMY! So who are you? Do you raise your hands, do you deflect the nausea or are you one that holds on and just waits for it to be over? Do you go through the motions knowing one day you will pull into the candy train station of life covered in half digested corn dog or deaf from the thrill screams of others thrill rides? We can question the peaks and valleys but let us not today. Let us focus on the OVERALL experience.

Tribulations and joy are always a part of life and we learn from mistakes and relationships and hopefully grow with each passing lesson. I on the other hand question if I ever learn, apparently repeating lessons do not cement within my brain (bad habits die hard). One of my biggest flaws is that I am extremely aloof and my one constant is that I am never completely together. Rest assure I can say that I at least have a constant, right? I find the small flaws in life the most interesting. Imperfections make us human. Mismatched socks, Muppet hair (this is what my daughter likes to call fly away hair) snorting when you laugh, little self obsessions, family, likes and dislikes all make us what we are. But I question when we became so obsessed with perfection or the image of the roller coaster smile as you hurl so no one will see illusions of our lives, we've lost our own true identities to become a conglomerate of mirrors. I guess we can argue as humans, we like illusion and like to create illusion so we don't have to deal with the smack dead issues of our days, or do we crave illusion to create a false sense of purpose and self worth? I was told by someone I highly respect that purpose = happiness. Does this mean illusion creates purpose which creates false happiness? Perhaps the key is in finding our own purpose absent of image. IMAGINE THAT! Imagine a roller coaster you can choose to disembark at the safety ladder by choice, climb down perfectly content and follow your own accord, look left and then look right and choose to follow the path of self purpose. You'll end up finding your happiness! I'll bet you this bowl full of pasta that you won't be disappointed. Illusion on my friends.

The Alice in Wonderland Office Tale

I've always thought that you had to be on some pretty heavy drugs to watch Alice in Wonderland. Trippy colors with talking animals, mushrooms and smoking caterpillars are not for the faint of heart and actually rivals the Twilight Zone of a day I've just had. I hope I can only do my day justice by presenting the insane commentary that permeated my tiny ears and left me in a stupor wondering if what I had experienced was real or did I enter into some random 2010 Alice in Wonderland office tale.

The Cast of Characters

I am going to give co-workers code names to protect their identities (they know who they are and they love the names I've assigned).

• Sniggle Giggle - my partner in crime


• The Investigative Reporter - can find out the dirt on anyone


• The Hong Kong Bomb Bigfoot Tracker


• The Brain


• Batman

The Stage

A tiny vanilla colored cubicle with an extra chair for those extra special secret agent meetings. I like to call this chair, the therapist chair. I have now decided that I am going to place Lucy's 5 cent tin can next to this chair with a new rule. Anyone who sits in, touches or leans up against my newly named therapy chair must pay toward the 2030 Smith family vacation fund. If you have objections you must place them in writing. Noted! I also need to mention that I will be placing the Rob Schneider banner over the chair "YOU CAN DO IT" while the person in need wears a required fake mustache. (See photo of the day)

Yes ladies and gentleman, I literally went to this special place in my mind today. You would too if you had heard all of the random conversations that had my rib cage in pain from uncontrollable laughs throughout the day.

Quotes from the Characters or at Least the Randomness

• The Investigative Reporter was back to work today after yesterdays Non-Violent Crisis Training we've all been mandated to attend. IR reported that a well known co-worker who attended NCVI with her talks like a turkey reading a newspaper. IR then proceeds to gobble LOUDLY. Hence, uncontrollable tears that took 3 minutes too long to turn off while The Brain and Batman teamed up to question why there was a turkey in the office and a blond crying (sounds like the beginning of a bad joke).


• I think the gobble laid the foundation for Sniggle Giggle because I don't think she stopped laughing from the time I walked into work today until I stepped off property. Some of her laughter was even at my expense. I rarely blush but Sniggle Giggle, The Brain and Batman decided to push my buttons and mercilessly jabbed taunts that made me turn 15 shades of red. By the way, thanks for the reminder, these taunts solidified my Idaho Potato theory.


• We celebrated our quarterly birthday bash over lunch today as we all gobbled down sandwiches. Topic at the round table - MAYONNAISE. Have you ever had a 30 minute conversation dedicated to mayo? I have to say, it is one of the funniest conversations you will ever have. We learned that the Investigative Reporter was once served a bowl of beautifully ripe strawberries covered in white fluffy whipped cream. Wait, scratch that, it was not whip cream, it was MAYONNAISE. My lunch almost came up at the thought of it.


• Now to top all of the strange conversations I endured by mid day, I learned that the deacon that I work with was in Hong Kong on vacation once and was pulled over by the local police. The police told him that someone had reported that he had a bomb. The supposed bomb turned out to be a CO2 container for underwater diving. The description of the local population running from a 6 foot white man with a CO2 container in the middle of Hong Kong was priceless and capped off my day.

Today was just ODD, very ODD. I walked around with my eye brows arched and a look of shock permanently plastered and begged most people to not sit in my therapy chair today. I just didn't think I could take anymore of the Alice in Wonderland Office Tale. Carry on..........

California vs. Idaho

The Movie

You know those movies scenes where everyone is rushing around the character but the character is in slow motion. I think I experienced that tonight, or I had a brief mini melt down in the middle of my favorite store, Target.

I had an moment tonight, a tragic and evil realization that I am completely and totally un-hip.

The Couple

I watched this couple walking in front of me with their tan non-formal styles and hair that dared you to copy with pizazz and sun glasses pushed freely on top of their locks. The woman was wearing leather flops underneath tan legs wrapped in denim shorts that looked to be made just for her. A green tank with just enough style that you know she did not frequent Target for her duds and the most gorgeous brown hair, THE MOST GORGEOUS BROWN HAIR, I think I have ever seen. The man was sporting similar leather flops (but man style) cargo shorts and a t-shirt with a sun kissed tan wrapped up with a perfect smile and teeth that actually "pinged".

The Moment

I had that slow motion moment, I looked down at myself and my mom jeans, stained white t-shirt and the 20lbs acquired in the past year and realized I literally look like a Idaho farmers wife and not a California Gurl (as Katy Perry would say). I mean when I wave at you from across the room my triceps wave 5 times more just to make sure you saw the first wave and my hair is the same color as corn. Perhaps Idaho potatoes and I have a future. As I was trying to free my self from a possible major melt down in the big red store, the couple stopped in an aisle and the man turned my way and gave me the once over. Now, I kid you not, the sheer look of "dismissal and pity" on his face when he saw me was enough for anyone to dial the nearest lippo suction expert and mortgage their home to pay Dr. Slash to do his chop, chop, chop work. I stood there, in the middle of Target with everyone rushing around me, I was FROZEN.

The OMG Moment

"WHAT IN THE HELL HAS HAPPEN TO ME" I've turned into Mr. Idaho Potatoes wife. I am Mrs. Idaho Potato with mom jeans and orthopedic shoes. I AM ONLY 35.

Leggo my Potato Plan

I don't think I can endure another "pity ping look" from a California pretty boy with a goddess on his side so I have a plan. At least I plan on making a plan of action. Perhaps a farm in Idaho? Perhaps agoraphobia? Perhaps the realization that I am just not hip nor fit into skinny denim shorts made for tan legs and a leather flop style. I think the later is the safest conclusion so no one gets hurt. Mr. Idaho Potato, I'm your gal.

Tonight my humor is infused with jealousy and dismay, in all honesty I stood inside my favorite cheap American French store fully aware of self while everyone around me moved 5 times faster, more efficiently and with grace. I am thankful for my health and for my family's health and that is enough for me tonight. Long live the Idaho Potatoes!

Blood Hungry and in a Pickle

I have a new problem mid-life. I don't think I have ever been a fanatic over a celebrity or show until now. I thought those girls that pawed their brightly polished nails at singers, actors and local gym athletes were "interesting sorts" and needed therapy. So I now find myself in a pickle.

True Blood on HBO has become my addiction of choice, right up there with diet coke and coffee. I guess that means my addictions of choice are caffeine and the sitting on the edge of the couch, blood hungry, endorphin high True Blood.

I am completely torn. When Anne Rice was hot on the scene and we were lined up to watch Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt dialogue their perversions I sat in a comatose sense of mediocrity with drooling teenage girls by my side. I found the hair and costumes to be more intriguing then the vampires and wondered if something was wrong with me. Why wasn't I drooling, why didn't I lust after the dark bad boys of the night? I came to the conclusion that I was the freak of nature.

Some years have passed and we have seen Winona in Dracula and depressed Bella in Twilight but as far as I know we have never seen anything compare to True Blood. First, the characters are highly exaggerated so you know you are walking in a fiction world but the characters tug at every raw empathy aroused stricken nerve you own. Second, TB pushes the envelope of any religion and begs you take a naughty tantalizing journey in a world away from 40 hour work weeks, keyboards and monitors. My life now sees more action on a Sunday night then a weeks worth of Mondays. I am NOT complaining.

Sounds to me that it took me longer than most to jump on the vampire blood train. In this case, better late then never.

I look forward to the viking kings vengeance, Tara and Franklin's craziness, Sookie's uncontrollable crying and this love for Bill that I just don't buy into anymore. These twisted characters have become embedded in my vanilla world. The only thing I can say is "Thank you Alan Ball for giving my world some flavor and helping me cross the line into the vampire crazed America we've become". I finally feel apart of something, even if I'm sitting first row center with all the other "interesting sorts" waiting frantically for next Sunday night.

Face Pain and the Needle Job

I am going to dedicate this little blog entry to the friend I've known the longest - wait for it, wait for it, wait for it..................Amie!!

Amie and I go way back, so far back I can remember times when she would ask me if my face hurt and I would tell her no and of course her response would be "well, it's killing me". I can't tell if that response is based on the time we were walking on the blacktop at school, heads down watching our shoes and hearing Amie suddenly say "WATCH OUT" to find myself reacting to the shrill of her yell and my face and nose planted into a volleyball pole. Yes, my face hurt and I had the pain to prove it.

Years have gone by and we have story after story but I want to say how proud I am of Amie for doing something she has wanted to do for a long time. Phlebotomy school is the start of another chapter that will grow and create other chapters in her life. Now, you know this means, she is going to be asking for my vein of pain and you all know I am going to tell her HELL NO. Not because I don't trust her but because anyone coming at me with a needle is going to get a swift kick and punch. Just ask the last phlebotomist that came at me (I am not a violent person, all of the action happened in my head). But, I know many people I can volunteer to you MiMi.

Low and behold, if you really need me you know I would hand over my pasty white arm with blue rivers of liquid to you. I would do it if it meant helping you, just like when you yelled "WATCH OUT" so many years ago. Pain is apart of life, if it means planting your face into a pole or letting your friend place a needle to a vein, I will do it with a bruised ego and soar arm as long as it is with you.

YOU ROCK MY FRIEND!!! Best of luck to you and know that I am always here!

The White Pastey Tan Plan

When I was about 10 my grandma Teddy told me that I was going to have to watch my weight and everything I ate as I got older. I remember being offended at the consideration and thought some evil spirit had entered my grandmothers body and took over for a moment. This same sweet grandmother made the best homemade cookies, pies, chili, bread and would take me for the weekly drive over to Mt. Vernon Street to pick up 2 dozen fresh hand made tortillas wrapped in pink paper loosely tied with butcher twine. I can remember the pain of the searing round pile as I was told to hold it in my lap all the way back to grandma's home. The payoff was getting to spread butter on the hot disk of love and devourer it with 3 bites.

What do you mean I was going to have to watch my weight as I became an adult.

Dosen't every girl steal bags of marshmallows from the fridge when they are 9 then hide at night to eat the white sugar goo until finding her own personal level of guilt. Yes my weight sprang up, I ran for the cookie jar at grandma's house every chance I could get, and I learned that food soothed the soul at a record young age. Food guilt was born!

Grandma Teddy was right, I come from a line of women with meat on their bones and I guess if we were living in England 1569 I would be considered HOT. White and pastey skin meant you could afford NOT to work in the fields and weight on your ass meant you had enough money to eat. So it is safe to say that I am living in the wrong century and could have been HOT and rich long ago.

I need to wake up to 2010 and come to terms that weight is my battle, I am not as healthy as I should be and I need to overhaul my situation.

Problem: MOTIVATION, TIME, ENDURANCE, and most of all I AM TIRED OF THE PRESSURE.

So, I attempted to start living better yesterday and did well at work and then I got home and ate everything in site. I woke up this morning motivated to get back on track and again I did well at work and then I came home and didn't want to cook dinner so my husband went to Del Taco. Off the wagon I fell again. I don't want to spend and hour a day cooking and then doing dishes and then wondering what I can and cannot eat. It's a full time job on top of the full time job I already have AND I start school again in a few weeks.

Exercise too?

So how do all the skinny bitches do it?

Writing in the Light of a Life on the Verge

Another day another dollar short. Working in local government is like standing in line to lick the bottom of a humble pie pan and if you are under 40 you will be lucky to get a crumb after everyone before you has already taken a juicy lick.

For all of the complaining that I do and the frustration I've lived, I truly like what I do. I work for a wonderful man who has been an monster mentor and has opened my eyes to possibilities. I cannot thank him enough. But, I should do some scolding too because he has ruined my chances to work for anyone else and be happy at the same time AND it seems my work fate may soon be resting with a new overhead. Damn budget! Nothing like being reminded that you are a minion among tree climbers. Damn budget! Nothing like being reminded you have to justify what you do everyday. Damn budget! Nothing like being reminded your life hangs in the balance. A LIFE ON THE VERGE of the UNKNOWN.

The initial shock is hard, but, you soon realize you have little control (thanks to industrialism) and you become like Play Dough. You take new shape, you can take a beating, when you hit the floor you learn to get back up and morph into something that is totally NOT YOU and you smile and say "please do it again before I have any recollection of self". Please, Please, Please let me service the public while I am screamed at, my health insurance costs increase while I elect NOT to receive a pay raise as other union members pad their pockets and the universal moral surrounding me everyday hits an all time low.

I watch fellow co-workers worry about their future. I don't worry about my future as much as I worry that my happiness will be compromised. I've learned that once I've found contentment and happiness something always comes and takes it away. I've worked hard to be where I am and I've sacrificed parts of myself that I shouldn't have and I have little will to care anymore. Damn budget!

The lights are on and I'm waiting on the verge to see what will happen next.

6 month, 210th attempt

Randoms!

• I love when you are standing in an elevator with someone and they smell GOOD.


• Giving little complements to my co-workers makes my heart smile (especially when no one else is giving them kudos).


• I like make-up way to much.


• I can no longer tell my Girl and the Crab story.


• Yes I like bread and it is a carb, sue me.


• No conversation SUCKS.


• I hope the ones I care about are truly happy with their decisions.


• I don't understand what I am supposed to be because I am not content with what I am.


• I like fruit in my salad.


• The word "love" is over rated.


• I made a virtues list like Benjamin Franklin and plan on implementing like he did.


• If kittens are cute are puppies dogs?


• Did anyone understand you? I hope they did, even if for a brief moment.


• Does Febreeze really work or is it a gimmick?


• I never realized how lame Randoms actually are until today.............. guess they just don't matter.

Whatever Couch Potato

Blasted the nights I should be already in bed. No, I am sitting her wide awake knowing that the couch calls and not the bed and I can't shake it. I've been falling asleep on the couch since January and I fight it every night. I tell myself to get up and go to bed but my brain has other plans it seems. Back to the old routine and this is one that is super hard for me to break.

Anyone else out there do the same thing? Stick it on the couch because you know tomorrow lurks to tell you what to do. BLASTED tomorrow and your Wiley ways. I'm thankful there is a tomorrow but I'd rather be looking at a beautiful view then trying to move mountains with a fork.

Anyway -

So, this blogging thing isn't quite going the way I thought it would. I thought I would have something to talk about everyday (like in the past) but I'm left high and dry. The content seems trite to me, still I wonder about the why of the blogger. I'm pretty sure know one is reading and if that is the case I can really write whatever I feel like writing, right?

Then here goes whatever!!!

We were trying to come up with a slogan for work today - Marketing at it's finest and you should hear the crap that we all compiled.

• Data opens Doors
  
• Dare to Data


• Data Busters, Who you gonna call?


• Belly up to the Bar Chart (my favorite but completely inappropriate)

Smoke and Mirrors Baby! Cynicism thick and rich with an extra order of reality! I have to stop being a CRAB, if I could stop being a CRAB then maybe I could get off the couch.

Like I said.............whatever!!!

Cookie Painting Fun

As I've mentioned I am tasked with making wonderful little snack boxes for my daughters school. Due next Monday. I have one week to get creative and I may sit here and complain but in all actuality, I love doing this stuff. Think of it as an escape from my everyday rush. Projects like these give me the opportunity to let my creative juices flow. So, with this little task I've decided to do something that I've never done and that is Cookie Paint.

I can't wait to bake those cute little cookies and make a meringue frosting, bust out my paint brushes (never been used, don't worry) and paint with food coloring. I think it will be super fun.

Pictures to follow in about a week..................... o the suspense!!! What will you do over the week while waiting to see what I paint on edible little nuggets of love. I think you will manage just fine.

Lemons into Lemonade

I just made the multitude of lemons thrown at me into lemonade. HOMEWORK IS COMPLETE!

I had anticipated the rest of the day would be taken up trying to decipher Marx's manifesto but after reading I realized I could sum up the man's thoughts fairly quickly. The true test will be if that Dr. Professor will agree.

Now that "Hell Week" is over I can get back to my regular routines of life and focus on the next task at hand. You ask what that I might be? TEACHER APPRECIATION WEEK for my daughters school. In a moment of weakness I opted to take on the first Monday in May to make each teacher (21 of them) a snack box for the day. Ideas anyone on what to feed a hippy school where half of the teachers are vegan? I have a list already in mind but I don't know if I can make pistachio rolled tofu taste good. Today my daughter and I will be on a trek to find containers to hold the yummy tasty treats and maybe hit the dreaded grocery store.

I know one thing I am NOT buying, LEMONS!

Friday Night Friction or Fiction?

2 more days left until I reach partial sanity. I will wonder what I will do when I get there.

I think that I have amost perfected the crap I spewed and typed concerning the novel Things Fall Apart. By the end of the night I am going to be lucky if I don't fall apart. I need a distraction, a BIG PLEASANT DISTRACTION that will only suck up 2 minutes of my time. I know a red velvet cupcake with lots of cream cheese frosting!!!! YES PLEASE!!!

I think the friction of my overly stuffed pants is begging me NOT to eat the cupcake as my seams are at capacity load. But what a nice little treat it would be to have something so tiny and nice to help me forget that I'm still battling HELL WEEK!!!

The Ficiton of the matter is I am only pulling the scratcy wool over my own eyes. I fully understand the consequences at hand and know that red dreamy cake with rich white YUM will only make my blood sugar spike and if I do indulge I will find myself lying dead asleep on the couch at 3:00 am with crumbs plastered across my face with only 3 pages partially retained.

Sit up, book in hand, and pay attention, glasses on, NO Red Velvet Cake, seams very happy at the moment.

Carry on.............

Academy Awards for Men

• Paper 1/2 Draft form
• Karl Marx manifesto 1/2 read
• Academy Awards for men blasting in the next room
• Concentration at an all time low
• Tampa Bay's Draft pick
• Yelling, Screaming, Woo-Hooing
• Eye Rolling
• Leg Twitching

HELP!!!!! HELP!!!! HELP!!!!

NFL DRAFT and HOMEWORK do not mix!!

Things Fall Apart

I'm going to keep today short and sweet because this week is my "Hell Week". I hate to admit after several years of mediocrity I made the decision to go back to school at the age of 35 (I can't believe I just shared my age). Why did I go back to school? No, really! Why? That's right, so I can graduate from a brown and gray cubicle to a brown and gray office. Hmmmmmm, does something sound similar or different? Guess the deniro is suppoesd to change my mind and encourage me to stick to the books. I DON'T THINK SO MR. I've been doing a little bit of analysis in determining at what fundage I am willing to stick with school.

Do you think this is a good number? $1,000,000.00. I do! I guess happiness does not = cash for me. Maybe this is me talking out of tush because I am knee deep in "Hell Week".

I have to write a critical essay on the novel Things Fall Apart. Hurt me NOW!

Wait, did I mention I also have to read Karl Marx's manifesto and analyze. African assimilation and Karl Marx all in one week, work and daily do's.

Someone wake me when it is over!!!

Prom Pixie Dust and Tales

I toed my toe into the water of the blog pool yesterday and I have to say, INDULGENT! But hey, when you live a life working for everyone else, INDULGENT could end up on my short list very quickly.

Lets jump right in (play on toe-in-water).


Prom Season and the Nightmare Memories

Yes, it is that time of year where young lovely ladies drag their mothers and credit cards into stores selling Beyonce knock-offs and all for the hope that prince charming will not actually be a frog. I was almost knocked off my feet by 3 highly caffeine induced young glamour girls all a glow with prom pixie dust as I walked into a store over the weekend. I had to smile to myself and wonder what they were in store for, fairly tale or torture.

Can you tell that I am a little sour after 18 years? Scary thought. Perhaps it's because my young innocent daughter will one day be showered in prom pixie dust as I am dragged from store to store as she dreams of a night to remember. BLASTED! I'll have to suck it up and just enjoy the process.

Sourness Explained

18 years ago in a red frock that I loved I was dragged in 98 degree heat in a car without air conditioning to a restaurant that made your stomach turn. Wait, did I forget to mention we had to go back for the tickets that were sitting on the kitchen counter 56 miles away? Damn 98 degree heat! Eventually we made it soaked and smelly to the balloon room of horrors and took pictures that will live eternally as Pee-Wee Herman and I stood slouched and defeated.

No dancing ensued, no hanging with the friends, no good music to be heard, just the welcoming call of the now cool car that awaited my escape. Wait a minute! Where is my date? Where is my date? Want to know where my date was? ASLEEP IN THE CAR!!!! Off came the dress, on came the jeans and the hair went el natural as I slid behind the wheel of the now less than 98 degree car. Off to the beach I rolled with my sleeping date, $400.00 dress in the back seat and a caravan of peeps that were just as well off as me.

Me: Crap, are those red lights behind me?

Officer: "Do you know it is past curfuew"?

Me: "Yes officer, I was on my way home from Prom"

Officer: "Then get going"

Me: "I think I have to pee now"

Now the date is awake!!!!

Forget it!
Homeward James...............
But first, let us stop and wallow in the night with the biggest ice cream sundae found in Southern California. Thank you Denny's for making a girls dream come true.

Guess that ice cream sundae didn't work because the mention of frilly frocks and prom pixie dust and my blood immediately boils to a perfect 98 degrees. Hopefully I can walk comatosed 8 years from now when my daughter is a caffeine induced glamour girl.

Question of the Day

That is one of 2 horror prom stories and this was the good one. Want to hear the other? I think we'll need a bigger ice cream sundae for that one.

First of Firsts

I use to love to write. There was a time I got up early to write and stayed up late to write. I quit a few months back and I thought I would follow suit of a great blogger that I once had the privilege of knowing and try my hand at this.

I'm amazed at the random stuff people write about and find myself trying to find an interesting topic. I have to admit I am at a complete loss. Who in their right mind would want to follow a strangers random nothingness on a daily basis? I could see if the person was funny, or had an agenda. I just don't.

So, in the ways of the past I will pick a subject and write regardless of the nothingness. I will start small and weak and hopefully one day live back up to what I once was.

Curb Side Seats to the Crow Show

Yes, I said Crow Show!!! Parking our butts in front of my house at the desperate age of 15 my best friend and I would watch crows as they swooped down in a fury of black to stare at us as if we were prey. Little did we know being watched by bully crows was going to be some of the best memories of growing up. "The Crow Show" would become a regular phenomenon as we would sit patiently on the curb waiting for ANYTHING to happen in our simple lives. Looking back at the two of us watching the crow show and waiting for ANYTHING to happen makes me long for that time again. If I had known what laid ahead I may have tried to take that "Crow Show" on the road.